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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29261340">Miracles do happen</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/r_497385/pseuds/r_497385'>r_497385</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Dark Thoughts, Depressed TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Depression, Drug Use, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, IRL fic guys, Insomnia, Language maybe, Nigtmares, Other dsmp members are weirded out (i.e worried) as well, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Tommy is suffering hooray, Tommyinnit is stupid, Tubbo is very concerned, Wil Techno and Phil are gonna have a heart attack, all Tommy do is lie, but he's struggling so let him be, drugs pog, jk it's only like pills, let me emphasise how stupid Tommy is in this, mans a danger to himself, they all are</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:02:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,216</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29261340</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/r_497385/pseuds/r_497385</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommyinnit is having a problem.</p><p>He can't sleep even if his life depended on it. Maybe it's life, maybe it's the constant fear of being a failure, he doesn't need to know. He just needs to fix it.</p><p>He worries that they'd fuss over someone as annoying as he is. He doesn't want to be a burden.</p><p>So he wants the easiest way out.</p><p>And what do you know, Erin has the best access for the one thing that could help.</p><p>Or</p><p>Motherfucker has no sense of self preservation and he has to watch SBI,Tubbo and his friends suffer from his actions for him to realize.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tommyinnit &amp; Toby Smith | Tubbo, Wilbur Soot &amp; Technoblade &amp; TommyInnit &amp; Phil Watson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>449</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Dangerous Solution</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Eylo guys! Waddap? It's my first irl fic yay, wanted to do something special for my birthday today, plus this actually has multiple chapters so wish me luck XD</p><p> </p><p>Please read with caution, remember this is all fiction and none of it is real! If the cc's want it gone then it's dead to me</p><p> </p><p>Enjoy! Read with caution!</p><p>(Fuck this was not beta read sorry if I made any mistakes cri)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Blue eyes scanning words printed on a slip of paper, circling a small bottle. Information of it's dosage, it's expiration date, what it contains and such being read. Rattling along with his hand movements as he shakes its contents.</p><p> </p><p>A memory faintly enters his mind. </p><p><br/>
<em>"Ey Toms. Be careful with this one yea? It's one of our strongest ones. I know how bad your sleep schedule has been lately, but even if you're the one asking, I still will not give it to you until you promise me you won't do anything brash, okay?"</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>Erin's words were kind. Caring even.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It made Tommy almost sick at how he's gonna have to lie through his teeth at the sentiment.</em>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<em>Hoping he'll at least be able to sound convincing.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Yea, yea, yeah....I'll be fine. You can count on me big man!" Snatching the bottle of pills like it was gonna disappear if he wasn't fast enough.</em>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<em>Erin let go. Frowning at his apparent skittishness. </em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>Carding a hand through soft brown locks, looking Tommy dead in the eyes.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Remember. Stop when you've used it for two weeks. Give your system a break. And especially once you can sleep without them, you <strong>have</strong> to get rid of them okay Tommy?"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tommy hates how concerned Erin sounds. Like he was gonna do something dumb. <strike><strong>Even if he is</strong></strike>, Tommy doesn't like how he's being called out immediately. Tommy knows he's better than that. If he pretended enough.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Reluctantly shoving the other feeling after hearing Erin's careful words to the back of his mind; guilt.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sighing, trying on a tired smile, hoping it'll come off as a joking one,</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Bhah, of course Erin. I need to thank you you know. I won't risk anything. Chill out big man. We both know Tommyinnit is better than this!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Forcing out a cackle, Erin's face didn't indicate that he had found comfort out of his words whatsoever.</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>Because the two of them knew, Tommy was not Tommyinnit. Tommyinnit is a farce, and the knowledge scares them more than they'd like to admit.</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>To make matters worse, Tommy knows that he isn't better. Especially because of the unhealthy sleeping patterns the blonde had developed. If Tommy were to chalk up how much sleep he's gotten in the past week, he'd probably say the answer was scarce, if not less. Already proof enough that he's just downright pathetic. Taking drastic measures such as these, but he was struggling, and he was desperate.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Terse smile still kept in place as Erin wordlessly pat Tommy's shoulder.</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>Really hoping Tommy's speaking the truth.</em>
</p><p><br/>
Using said pills were easy enough, surprisingly.</p><p> </p><p>Not that he'd want the trouble of course, but Tommy couldn't help but think that maybe he's being left off the hook of suffering from insomnia a bit too easily.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<em>Whatever</em>, Tommy sighs.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
Slipping in a single tablet, letting it slide down his trachea. Gulping it down resulting in a relaxed swallowing motion.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Tommy feels himself grow impatient. Fuck, maybe this wasn't as easy as he had originally though it would be. Said blonde sat in his usual chair, tapping his fingers and holding in a loud sigh.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Was it really gonna take this long for it to kick in?</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Tommy waits and waits and waits.</p><p><br/>
Greatful for the fact that his stream was over just a few minutes ago. Despite leaving with a heavy feeling coating his chest at the prospect of having to go through another awful sleepless night, staring intensely at the cracks on his ceiling until eventually the tears would build up and break like dam only to leave Tommy extremely tired and feeling unnervingly numb in the morning. Now Tommy knows to expect them, but that never meant he was happy about it. Pushing past the familiar dread bubbling inside his chest, Tommy gives his audience his best Tommyinnit like grin.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>'Tommyinnit-like grin.'</em>
</p><p><br/>
Tommy muses to himself bitterly. He certainly isn't like the Tommyinnit he wants to be in real life. He's just Tommy. It's not even his Tommy smile it's just another painful tug prompted by his lips.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Feeling his eyebrows stitch together as the clock chimes louder and louder when minutes pass by. The sound only annoying him. Reminding him of his current predicament while the moon continues to dangle higher, further illuminating his room with a sliver of bright light, despite starkly contrasting the pitch black covering the rest of it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Tommy squints his eyes tiredly, was it really not gonna work? Erin said they were the strongest ones. Why the hell would it need time to kick in then?</p><p> </p><p>Tommy hates dreading sleep, it's a fucking basic necessity to help his body function, yet here he is unable to fully succumb into those supposedly much needed urges.</p><p> </p><p>But he didn't have those natural urges, especially as of late. So he will have to prevail.</p><p><br/>
Other resources must be of use.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
That's why he was glaring so hard at the bottle clasped inside his palms.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Tongue poking gums so it would help calm him down.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The calm never came, and he feels his stomach sink when he realized it's already midnight.</p><p> </p><p>Pushing back the tired, tired tears from falling down like they usually do, Tommy almost contemplates to just slip in another pill or two.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He just fucking needs the sleep, he's been losing his appetite, he's been more subdued lately, and he's starting to feel like his friends might realize soon.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He doesn't want that. The thought scares him so much.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
He just wants the ability to sleep again, to succumb into the familiar world created solely by his subconscious. Momentarily escaping the real world for a few hours sounds so fucking magical right about now.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Now that he's slowly losing that ability, Tommy wants to cry more.</p><p> </p><p>Planting down face first in his bed, instinctively curling in on his sides. Right hand gripping the bottle tightly as if it'll do anything to help quicken the process.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
Tommy let's a single tear slide down his cheeks.</p><p><br/>
He's just so tired, why couldn't the pills put him out already?</p><p> </p><p><em>Please</em>, Tommy prays past the tears and occasional hiccups he'd make. Throat feeling sore from literally going through the same thing each and every night. </p><p> </p><p><br/>
Sniffing, lips biting against one another, Tommy starts to shake.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<em>Please</em>, he grows more desperate.</p><p><br/>
Tommy's too exhausted to realized the black spots slowly blurring his vision.</p><p> </p><p>The slow pace of the drug had made Tommy lose hope for a good night's rest. His body felt sluggish already.</p><p>Tommy heaves in a sob, <em>why? Why can't I just sleep? Was it the nightmares? The bullies? The hate? His constant attempt at keeping up his persona so people would actually pay attention to him? Is he even real, if no one notices him without having to scream at their faces? Is he worth the time? God, he's such a nuisance he hates himself for it.</em></p><p><br/>
The thoughts spiral downwards, pooling Tommy's mind with self-deprecating thoughts too dark to even be spoken of.</p><p> </p><p>The blonde couldn't move, his body suddenly unable to cooperate with him. The tears continued to slide down until Tommy feels his chest start to ache from so much crying, but by then, everything was already blurring into light and smudges of colours from what Tommy's mind could comprehend as the drugs had finally kicked in.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy feels his eyelids droop, his tired mind still reeling with self loathe, as he once again wished that he could just sleep.</p><p> </p><p>Granted, the pills were in the middle of fulfilling his desires when he felt drowsiness attack him fiercely that he almost thinks it'll be enough to permanently put him into a deep endless slumber.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Tommy found that he didn't mind the idea, even thinking of it only seemed to make him feel calm.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It feels nice, finally able to feel the edge of sleep dragging his eyelids down. He wonders what would happen if he could do this until his body would stop waking up all together. That would be a miracle.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy would have to find out of himself, he figures.</p><p> </p><p>A deep searing tiredness clawing inside him and pinning him to bed. Tommy let's it. Eyes finally snapping close in a heavy dreamless sleep.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Tommy hopes miracles do come true.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Progress</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tommy wakes up feeling heavy, but somehow grows way lighter all the same.</p><p>He appreciates it even if his friend's might think otherwise.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm just rlly in the mood to write guys :")</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Soft streaks of light slipped through the curtains of Tommy's room.</p><p> </p><p>Hitting his heavily closed eyelids rather harshly.</p><p>Reminding him another awful day has started once again.</p><p>Tommy tries to blink several times, wanting to shake off the drowsiness still clinging onto him from his previous deep slumber.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Last night's events completely left forgotten.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy's body felt like lead. Testing to see if it was in his control, Tommy slowly lifted an arm up to wipe at his tired eyes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sighing quietly to no one except himself when he found not a single ounce of energy springing through his arm like how it should be doing.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Pushing away remnants of sleep, brushing the back of his hand towards his eyes as if to give them a wake up call.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Stiffly wincing when all he heard was a silent crack as he finally succeeded in a sitting position.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Tommy felt his eyelids droop slightly whenever he left his mind unoccupied for too long. He doesn't know why, but he feels weirdly heavy. Like something was dragging him down no matter how much effort he had put into moving his body out of his current sluggish state.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Tommy rubs the back of his neck slowly, hoping to remember any of the events from the previous night.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A frown painted on his lips as his search came up empty.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Pushing himself off his bed after failing a couple of times, Tommy turns his head over to look at blaring red numbers beeping through his alarm.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Shit.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em>11 in the morning already?! What the fuck?! </em>His mind screeched, Tommy quickly complying to his brain's demands when he manages to open up his computer and bit his lips when he sees the notifications flooding through his dimly lit screen.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Tommy couldn't believe he had forgotten about the vc they were supposed to have about an upcoming stream they were all planning on.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Fuck! Tommy promised them he'd at least be there by 8! Fuck him for his punctual promises.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Quickly ignoring the slight dizziness exploding from the side of his head at even the tiniest bit of movement, grabbing his headset and tugging them over his ears as fast as he could. The action rewarded him with a dull throb pounding through his skull.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A wince fell from his lips, trying to find where the key board was and how to form a coherent sentence. At the moment completely forgetting how to grammar, only remembering the words bitch, fuck, and massive? Not even remembering the simple basic form of greeting.</p><p> </p><p>Ugh, fuck. Typical of him.</p><p>Tommy wishes for once his vocabulary wasn't limited to only those words whenever he's in a somewhat panicked haze.</p><p> </p><p>Jesus, he really needs to talk to Technoblade more. The bitch is an English major after all. Subconsciously planning to ask said man a favour in order to refrain himself from yelling or typing 'massive fuck' or 'Help, I am massive' to any poor soul unfortunate enough to encounter him when he's distressed.</p><p> </p><p>Shuddering, Tommy forces himself to focus and wipes at his watery eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Slow breaths escaping him for a couple of seconds before he feels the throb lessen significantly, replenishing his air supply seemingly was the answer to his problem.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Wobbly hands started typing a few words to their shared group chat to let them know Tommy was fine. Well as fine as a slightly hyperventilating person could be he guesses.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The incessant pounding in his head thankfully calming down although not completely dispersed, still clearly displeased at how reckless Tommy was moving.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Tommy didn't care, he just needed to see them before they start asking questions.</p><p>Frantically pressing on his keyboards, only letting out frustrated noises from being attacked by so many messages all at once just from typing back an answer once.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Asking him too much, letters popping in the dialogue box. Paired with the obnoxiously annoying '<em>ping!</em>' from their chats alone, was almost enough to make the dull throb on his head noticeable again. Dialog box popping one after another just to make Tommy more disoriented.</p><p> </p><p>Chat bubbles gliding down the screen to continue on with more and more questions invading Tommy's not so clear vision.</p><p> </p><p>Pressing a shaky hand on his temple, promptly smoothening out the wrinkles in hopes of calming down the upcoming migraine he already feels steadily growing judging by the sounds of static purring inside of his head, one similar to that of an annoying buzz.</p><p> </p><p>Pushing past all the static, the blonde daringly joined the vc because if he tries to even type, he swears his eyes are just gonna give up on him completely.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Choosing to ignore the dull ache so that he could tilt his chin higher, presumably determined to act as if all those messages hadn't just triggered a dyslexic part of his brain that wasn't supposed to exist.</p><p> </p><p>Crooked grin mirrored on the screen sitting on his desk when he hears the others basically start a yelling contest to ask him why was he so late and why wasn't he answering any of their calls.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Tommy internally cringed at their volume, but nevertheless Tommy thinks he can push back the headache until maybe after the call. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Inwardly groaning again when all of them seemed to pick up a slight difference in his demeanor, shutting up and leaving Tommy to do all the explaining.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Tommy's smile nearly falters, eyelids actually blown wide open for the first time that morning.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Peering over to get a better look at the friends he has present in front of his screen, Tommy again inwardly groaned.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Boy, this was gonna be quite exhausting.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Suspicions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The day doesn't go so well for Tommy.</p><p>As he said before, it was gonna be such an exhausting day.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sup guys. This chap is longer wohoo.</p><p>Hope you like it!</p><p>Tw there's like Tommy's bad habits of gripping his skin here.<br/>With that, stay safe and enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>True to his predictions, Tommy was dragged out to play minecraft with them. Sbi, plus Tubbo.</p><p> </p><p>Not that he minds, but with the current headache he's sporting and with the blurry pictures moving here and there only to get pixelated by Tommy's hazy vision, yeah there wasn't much to say except this would be tiring.</p><p><br/>
Tommy was glad his lying skills had gotten better, he was even more surprised when the fuss he caused earlier over his late arrival had quickly dissolved after he had managed to get a word or two in between their worried questions.</p><p><br/>
It's almost kind of, well, calming. If he knew how to lie better now, doesn't that mean he can do anything he wants now? Without being caught at least? </p><p>Not really leaving his mind even amidst his friend's growing laughter, Tommy finds himself holding back a tired smile.</p><p> </p><p><em>I can do whatever I want</em>. Tommy's lips nearly wobble.</p><p><br/>
<em>They won't notice. They won't care. They shouldn't. An annoying bitch like me deserve way worse. So what if I keep lying? As long as they're not in harm's way, I can do whatever I want with myself!</em>
</p><p><br/>
Intrusive thoughts suddenly entering his aching head, knocking on the doors of his head. Rudely entering without so much as a warning. Tommy blinked the haziness away. </p><p><br/>
Squinting his eyes at the screen across from him. He muted his mic already, telling the others that he had to take a piss.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Tommy doesn't expect the pills to be this good. He rememberes he could sleep nicely yesterday. Without nightmares, without fanning in and out of sleep every 30 minutes or so, all in all, the best night he's ever had in weeks.</p><p> </p><p>Even if the next day he woke up wanting to bang his head against glass and steel to make it bleed from how much it hurt, Tommy counts it as a win still.</p><p><br/>
Sleep over everything else.</p><p><br/>
Tommy massaged his temple a bit when Wilbur's voice rang out loud and clear through his unmuted mic.</p><p><br/>
"Is Tommy back yet?" Tommy blinks sharply. </p><p><br/>
Hands gripping on his thighs tightly. For some reason his nails kept digging through them without warning. </p><p>Tommy was situated on his desk as of now, his camera was off. Wanting to convince them he was really going to take a piss -action spurred through his tired haze to lessen the aching throb against his skull with some ibuprofen- and promptly came back unannounced.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly regretting the decision all together.</p><p><br/>
What were they going to say? Tommy's starting to grip on anything to ground him back to reality. His skin being the nearest thing he could sink his nails in.</p><p><br/>
His skin was soft, his nails were hard and slightly sharp. They were perfect.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy kept quiet. Unmoving, staring intensely at his friends as he made no move to alert them of his presence so that he could listen what they're saying. Tommy knows it's rude, but hey, they're the ones wanting to talk about him behind his back.</p><p><br/>
Might as well listen along yeah?</p><p> </p><p>Techno had even stopped moving for a split second. Choosing to quickly mine through cobblestones beneath them, sounds of blocks dispersing and entering the man's inventory invading Tommy's hearing, and other noises he had yet to recognize. Something tells Tommy that the man was also suddenly taken aback by Wilbur's question, and was trying to do something to take his mind off of it. Even if he was doing a horrible job at it. Because Tommy could practically feel Techno's breath fanning over his microphone. Shallow, but there. <br/>
Imagining the only possible angle for him to do so would be if he had stuck close to the screen. You know, probably out of instinct.<br/>
Like how you'd edge closer towards your screen as if you'll hear anything better when you're literally wearing headsets. Yeah, that's the kind Tommy was guessing.</p><p><br/>
Tubbo had been muted as well as him, taking a liking on hearing the others talk rather than participating in it. Tubbo's camera was on though, so there was no use to pretend that he didn't see the clear frown tugging the corners of Tubbo's lips.</p><p><br/>
Clearly, the two of them had been more reasonable and was actually skeptical about talking through the vc that Tommy was currently <em>in</em>, and <em>especially because Tommy was still in the fucking vc,</em> and would've probably thought that Tommy would enter out of the blue in the midst of them talking.</p><p><br/>
Phil and Wilbur however, thought it was the most convenient of times to approach the topic.</p><p>Plus, Tommy could sorta tell Tubbo and Techno was listening on. Not able to keep themselves away. <em>These idiots.</em> No protests were voiced through. Just silent anticipation, and that made dread claw at Tommy's heart even more.</p><p><br/>
"No, I don't think so mate. Tommy would've said something by now." Came Philza's soft voice from the vc. </p><p>Tommy bites his lips at how much trust Philza has on him, to <em>not</em> sneak up on them and listen to their private conversation. Specifically one about him.  -Which is fucking ridiculous, but that's not his main point here-</p><p> </p><p>Well, shit. He was doing exactly what he thinks Phil wouldn't think he would do right now.</p><p><br/>
Jesus, does that make any fucking sense at all?</p><p><br/>
His throat was dry as he continued to sit patiently through whatever it is that was bothering them. Making a mental note to list off every single thing he would need to fix next time he pops a pill if need be.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy waits in heavy silence. <br/>
Nails deep in his thighs.</p><p> </p><p>"Well, I guess you're right. It wouldn't hurt to talk while he's still in the bathroom I reckon. I mean c'mon. Did you really believe he was telling the truth there Phil?"</p><p>Wilbur sounded more and more aggravated after the question finally fell of his lips.</p><p><br/>
The call went silent.</p><p><br/>
Tommy takes in a harsh breath to steady himself. Breathe in breathe out breathe in breathe-</p><p> </p><p><br/>
A sigh. A fucking sigh from Phil came as a response towards Wilbur's previous inquiry. </p><p> </p><p>Like he knows Wilbur's suspicions might be holding something more beneath it.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy's eyes widened in shock. Anxiety pooling inside of his stomach like burning acid. Gulping down nothing but air due to his overly dry throat.</p><p><br/>
They were on to him this whole time? And he'd thought that he was off the hook for the day, fuck.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Frustration forcing his nails to sink deeper until there was probably crescent indents marring his thighs, even through the fabric considering his anxiety was the thing giving him the force to do so to his own skin.</p><p><br/>
The sting hurts, but was not unwelcomed.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy listens again. Head reeling with millions of frantic thoughts, stringing together over what he suspects is fear. Screaming at him to do a better job at lying, because he was such and idiot for making them worry in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>Fuck, he wasn't better at all. His friends were just better at pretending they believe him.</p><p> </p><p>Fucking hell. Fucking hell. Fuck him.</p><p> </p><p>"I mean, I see what you mean Wil. I hardly think Tommy would sleep in that long when he slept really early yesterday."</p><p><br/>
Tommy froze. What? What does-</p><p><br/>
His question was answered just when Wilbur's eyebrows creased against his forehead, making Phil sigh quietly as he starts to elaborate.</p><p>Techno and Tubbo making no noise whatsoever. Probably planning to listen through the whole thing before voicing out their opinions. </p><p><br/>
"Yesterday I called in his mom to ask if he was doing okay. You guys did also say that you noticed he's been looking kinda tired lately, right? Plus, you guys had been busy. And I had somewhat free time so I decided to do it in our stead." </p><p> </p><p>Holy shit, what a fucking sucker punch against Tommy's face.</p><p> </p><p>Fuck. Fuck. What? <em>They fucking noticed? T-they actually-</em></p><p> </p><p>Tommy's breath was knocked out of his lungs. His hands trembling, and his lips chewed against one another, harder and harder until they'd bleed.</p><p><br/>
The others stayed silent and Techno made a silent gesture for Phil to continue.</p><p>That he does.</p><p> </p><p>"Well, when I wanted to ask how Toms was doing, his mum mistook my question and thought I wanted to talk to him in person."</p><p>Phil rants on. The silence greeting him another push to explain more.</p><p><br/>
"That's when she said that Tommy was already asleep. Apparently his lights were already off by the time I was calling her. I was surprised too of course, but hey the kid probably needed to catch a break after hitting another milestone, school probably hasn't been kind to him either." Phil spoke through the call, reciting what had happened the night prior.</p><p> </p><p>The others visibly frowned at this. <em>Fuck, fuck,</em> now they seriously was under the impression that Tommy slept in for way too long to be believable. Screw him! Even if he didn't sleep early at all, he had made the simple mistake of making it look like he did, and now, it was being held against him.</p><p><br/>
<em>Shit</em>. </p><p><br/>
Fuck it. Tommy was shaking on his bed. Tucking his chin on his knees, brung up close to his chest. Slowly rocking back and forth while so many emotions hit him like a ton of bricks. His heart hammered against his ribcage, and his throat was uncomfortably dry. Tears slipping through his golden matted lashes.</p><p> </p><p>Frustration once again bubbling through his chest with a force.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Fuck! Why in hell would his mum think Philza, of all people, would need to call him through his own mother like he was a child unable to handle his own friends. Philza could literally call him privately, the man having done so, so many times. With his mother sometimes listening through their distant laughter, she was supposed to fucking know! Why the fuck would she just- ugh!!</em>
</p><p><br/>
Hands moving to comb through -pull at- his blonde hair to will himself from crying.</p><p>He wasn't weak. He wasn't. He wasn't. </p><p><br/>
"Then he was lyin' huh? Honestly, I'd be stupid to think that he did sleep through when he looked like such a mess earlier. Now? I guess I'm borderline insane to believe that." Techno grumbled, voicing out his words, the faint edge lingering on his monotone voice, sigh so heavy Tommy couldn't help but wince.</p><p><br/>
Phil nodded sadly. </p><p><br/>
Wilbur said his thoughts out loud, "I guess so...."</p><p> </p><p>"But why though? He doesn't need to lie about anything. Especially about coming late, on a call, with us. We're his friends, he should tell us anything that's bothering him." Tubbo's voice was what snapped Tommy back to the conversation.</p><p><br/>
His friend sounded worried. Frustrated even. His Tubbo that was usually understanding of people's secrecy, was now blatantly asking why Tommy was lying to them. Prying.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy couldn't say that he's mad. No, the exact opposite really, it was nice to think that they care. Even for a while.</p><p> </p><p>A certain warm calming down his prolonged cries. But his nails was kept in place.</p><p><br/>
He still hasn't stopped sniffling, and he felt heavy guilt crush down on him through the expression of concern varying off of their features.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy hates himself. He hates himself for making them worry. He hates himself. He hates. He hates. He hates.</p><p><br/>
"I don't know Tubbo. The only thing I know though, is that he might need someone. And I'll sure as hell be there when he fucking asks for it." Wilbur spoke firmly. Voice with a confidence that leaves no room for argument.</p><p><br/>
As if there would ever be in the first place.</p><p>"<em>We'll</em> be there for him Wil." Phil's voice interrupted gently. Tommy immediately hears the gentle smile on the older man's lips.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Wilbur and Tubbo slowly smiles back, Techno didn't have have his camera on, but Tommy could still hear the low huff of agreement from the other man.</p><p> </p><p>"I just hope he's gonna wanna open up soon. I don't want him to like, get worse and we won't be there to help him through." Wilbur suddenly voices out his fears, worry heavily lacing his tone. Traces of the firmness before still present, but was now pushed aside, showing more of his concerns.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy hates how Phil's smile falters, and Tubbo just straight up frowns.</p><p>Telling him that it was a common fear for all of them. </p><p><br/>
God, he didn't even want to think what Tecnhoblade would look like if his camera was on. Tommy would be crushed. Not that his chest wasn't doing that already. The thought still haunts his mind and grated through his skin as a reminder not to fuck up this bad in the future if he doesn't want to get caught.</p><p> </p><p>Tense silence coated the three men on the other side of Tommy's screen. Again, Tommy feels his heart ache at how much they're wasting their time on such a worthless kid like him.</p><p> </p><p>Exhaustion outweighing his strength, listening to his friends proving to be more unbearable and hard than any physical activity he'd fail to do in class.</p><p> </p><p>The blur edging on his vision intensifies. </p><p>Eyelids suddenly drooping against his tears soaked knees, his rocking had stopped, now he was just silently sniffling pathetically in his sleeves.</p><p>He was tired, the after effects of the drug taking more of his strength than he thought it would.</p><p> </p><p>Feeling more and more light, tuning out the words, as now they were all muffled through his cotton filled head, slowly curling in on himself on the bed.</p><p> </p><p>Weakly typing in a few words to his mum so that she could be the one excusing him with any kind of reason she could make up for him later.</p><p><br/>
Tommy hopes she'd be less clueless this time, he wouldn't want them to know straight up that Tommy basically doesn't want to join the call anymore. </p><p> </p><p>Even then, he would've probably had no choice but to believe in his mum anyway, because by the time his hands stopped shaking, is when he could really start texting his mom properly, sleep already pulling down on his half closed eyelids.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
And Tommy let's it.</p><p> </p><p>Falling into a deep sleep. Rooted by exhaustion and anxiety this time, instead of the blissfully unaware slumber he had succumbed to the night before.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh and, I made this like one shot for like this other masterpice of a fic called Rewind by our lovely Non.</p><p>About Wilbur| Ghostbur and Theo/Tommy's next encounter from what they haven't had a full confrontation yet right? So yea. I made that. I already finished it. Angsty as fuck.</p><p>If you guys would want to read that, just tell me and I'll post it! </p><p> </p><p>Leave your thoughts on this chap, did I do good? Or was it trash idk XD I suckkkkkkk<br/>Anyways yeah leave a comment and kudos, those help me write a lot<br/>Love you all &lt;3</p><p>Also<br/>Sleep &gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;everything else<br/>Tommy got his priorities straight</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Holy shit, chaos</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Oh shit </p><p> </p><p>Shit goes down to hell guys</p><p> </p><p>Twitter is not gonna like this</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm tired. It's like, 1 am where I live rn</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>
Tommy wakes up again in the middle of dinner.</p><p><br/>
Judging from sounds of clicking plates and utensils, which Tommy assumes would be the sound of his mum preparing dinner table for both him and his dad.</p><p> </p><p>Pushing open his eyelids a bit wider, Tommy winces and goes to rub at his eyes when bright lights assaulted his pupils.</p><p><br/>
<em>When the hell did his mum set his tumblr up? Why? </em>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>
No longer pondering on his mother's 'crafty' tendencies whenever he was asleep, Tommy tries to blink a couple of times before deeming himself worthy of walking up without meeting his face first to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>Fortunately, it was as what he had hoped, his legs handling his weight rather well. Unlike last time, he could barely even walk that morning without shooting a wave of vertigo through his head.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Another thing that caught his attention, was the time. </p><p> </p><p>Alarm going off multiple times before dying in a buzz after it had automatically snoozed for blasting aloud longer than it could handle.</p><p><br/>
Tommy could tell, according to the time stamps the alarm mentioned of him unable to be waken up.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Sighing, Tommy finds it a bit weird when he feels the weight on his head earlier dissipate.</p><p> </p><p>He felt lighter, to put it simply.</p><p> </p><p>The overwhelming anxiety bubbling off of him in seams. Leaving behind only a relaxed boy in his quiet room.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Tommy double checks his alarm, and the numbers once again confirm his suspicions, holy shit, again making him realize he had slept throughout the whole ass day.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy would think that would be bad, Tommy would think that would be dangerous, but right in that moment, Tommy jumped up in the air with a happy shrill.</p><p> </p><p>Unable to contain his giddiness at how easy sleep has come to him nowadays. More like past two days, but whatever.</p><p> </p><p>The pills were working like a charm, and Tommy was more than happy to let it do its magic.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Shrugging off remnants of sluggishness from his shoulder, Tommy sniffed the air and crinkled his nose in disgust.</p><p> </p><p>God, he forgot showering was a necessity too.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Facepalming and cursing under his breath for having to delay his dinner time again in order to soak himself in water, Tommy quickly shoots his mum a message telling them to continue on without him.</p><p> </p><p>Gliding across the floors, testing his agility and steadiness as he basically bounced off of the floors without missing a single tile nor fumbling over his steps.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy feels his lips curl upwards and giggled.</p><p> </p><p>The sounds bursting through his throat, too soft and giddy for his own liking, but even he was blind towards his own eccentricities. </p><p> </p><p>Barging open the door resulting into the hinges hissing dramatically as Tommy entered the room and headed straight towards the tub.</p><p> </p><p>Stripping himself quickly, in the process of making the water temperature up to his liking when a sudden thought quizically passes his buzzing head.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"What if you sleep here? That'll be cool, like therapy. Bring those pills with you in the process. Slip in a pill or two."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Tommy blinked rapidly at the passing thought. Frowning to himself because he finds himself actually considering the seemingly random suggestion his mind has offered.</p><p> </p><p>But alas, Tommy doesn't want to die by drowning, no, it needs to be something well, less pathetic and wet.</p><p> </p><p>So he ignores the thoughts and welcomes the lukewarm water pricking through his skin whilst soaking him whole. Soap bubbles rubbed across his body with little pops, mixing with Tommy's low humming that made the room go light.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy sighs, and he scrubs himself until he's clean</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Once he's had enough of scrubbing silk sponge like things to pertain his body hygiene, Tommy stepped out and tugged in a hoodie.</p><p><br/>
His black one.</p><p><br/>
The weird one where people keeps 'simping' him for.</p><p> </p><p>Doesn't matter to him though, as he had more pressing matters at hand.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Said pressing matters were his pills, Tommy had wanted to try more, surprisingly, despite of it's early effects being him in a state of a groggy and whiny bitch, then again, Tommy could argue that he came out perfectly fine once he's slept it off.</p><p> </p><p>So you put two and two together, and just like that, he's mind was set.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
He didn't trust his own ability to sleep anyway.</p><p> </p><p>He was certain he'd fail the minute he lays on his bed, eyes assuredly blaring wide open until the tears would climb back up again.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Tommy sighs, not liking the thought one bit.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Pushing his feet against the tiles, attempting to move as silent as he could through his own house like he was some kind of robber.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Tommy sees his door crack open, and darts forward immediately and into the room.</p><p> </p><p>Closing the door behind him with a soft click.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Tommy messaged his mum again, </p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>[8:55]</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>'Mumm, sorry I'll be missing dinner tonight, I have an essay due tomorrow.'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>[8:55]</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>'Wot? Seriously Tommy? You're gonna get blown out the window by your AC at this point, your basically a muppet, child.'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Slap some meat on those sticks you call a body Toms, come on.'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
Tommy huffs in a breath through his cheeks.</p><p>Typing out more aggressively than he'd like to admit. </p><p>
  <strong> <em>[8:56]</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>'Ugggh, seriously mother, I expected more from you. You're supposed to be taking care of me here, and all that sappy shit, I don't need to get dissed by me own mum.'</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>[8:56]</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>'Awh come on Toms, t'was a joke, you know how careless you are about eating. I just wanted to make sure you're really not hungry sweetie.'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>There it is, Tommy sighs, the pet names. His mother was worried again.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Pursing his lips in thought, Tommy replies as best as he can and for once was glad that they communicated a lot via texts rather than direct talking over their distance in terms of rooms, that would've been so much harder if he had to lie straight to his mum's face.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
A buzzing noise alerted him of her response, and sure enough, she had let him do as he pleases.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy smiles to himself, hyperactively aware of the sounds vibrating from his phone, tickings of his clock, beeps from notifications on his discord, rumbles of his AC blowing out cool wind and hitting his skin in a comfortable way.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy for some reason can hear it all, like, ten fold.</p><p><br/>
Hearing ability amped up like crazy.</p><p> </p><p>Even his body felt jittery with energy.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Tommy shakes in a breath to stop his hands from fidgeting too much, wondering why in the hell the restlessness from before had turned into some kind of high for him.</p><p><br/>
That certainly isn't a good mood swing to get by. His body must be exhausted.</p><p><br/>
In reality though, it was anything but.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy silently frowns to himself, but he couldn't keep still.</p><p> </p><p>He rolled across his sheets, off and on and off until he was bored and promptly fell down on cool tiles with an echoing thump.</p><p><br/>
Face burried deep in icily cool ceramic, Tommy let's his mind wander off so as to not start thinking about the buzzing energy his body was emitting.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Tommy jumps up in surprise when his phone buzzed.</p><p> </p><p>Sighing in relief when it was just his mum telling him to get to bed early to make up for his lost dinner.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<em>As soon as the essay is finished, get your ass in bed she says.</em>
</p><p>Tommy smiles sadly at the text.</p><p> </p><p>Mulling through his plans. </p><p>He definitely is going to sleep early.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly the itch of swallowing his pills became prominent and was what pushed Tommy on his feet again. Leading his body to where the bottle of pills lay still on his desk, right next to his computer, but completely out of view if it were to record his streams.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy smiles at the bottle almost drunkenly, buzzing noises now comforting his head whereas it previously had hurt.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy uncaps the lid off, taking in the dull scent of hospitals waving around his nose.</p><p><br/>
It took him aback a bit, but he was quickly getting used to it.</p><p> </p><p>Wanting nothing more to slump back, dead on his bed with sleep, Tommy slips out a single pill for the night.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Screwing the lid shut before his fingers could reach for another pill that would definitely end in his own demise.</p><p> </p><p>Which, wasn't what bothered him. The thought of him barely experiencing sleep enough because he was dying from the pills, was the reason for his displeasure.</p><p> </p><p>He wants to experience sleep again after being stripped away from the ability to do so for over a couple of weeks.</p><p> </p><p>Considering maybe a few weeks after today that he'd increase its number to really see what it's capable of.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy smiles wistfully at the thought, feeling his mind reel with so much energy it's not even funny.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy would've been worried if it weren't for the fact that he is maybe high out of his mind.</p><p> </p><p>Giddiness erupting through his still fingers making them fidget and wriggle in his lap.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy should be worried, but his mind was buzzing with nothing and without thoughts as he tilted his head back and swallowed the pill just as easy as it had been the day before.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Not feeling the effects yet, which wasn't concerning, considering it worked fine yesterday after a little bit of patience.</p><p> </p><p>Giggles erupted from him all of a sudden, Tommy couldn't hold in his giggles as he sprouted with so much energy he couldn't register the way his hands had already started to push his keyboards and typed in a reply to one of Wilbur's messages.</p><p><br/>
Asking him if he wants to join a chill stream they had tonight.</p><p><br/>
Typing in a short 'yes' and a quick invite towards the vc from Wilbur himself popped on his screen.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy was just happy to have something to do, so he stupidly joins the call with the rest of the boys.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Stupidly oblivious of their wary glances as he entered with a boisterous laugh, stupidly forgetting the things that had occurred of him leaving early to be excused by his own mum and whatnot.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Ignoring their wary smiles, and the silent questions lingering on their faces as Tommy started fist pumping into the air to start their stream.</p><p> </p><p>So they did.</p><p> </p><p>With an addition of Dream, Fundy, and Quackity this time.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy doesn't let that deter his excitement, as he was too hyper to notice their looks. Specifically from the SBI and Tubbo present in the call.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
The other three had been surprised by his initial excitement despite knowing how Tommy could be, but shrugged it off because well, they weren't the ones calling Tommy that morning and finding out through his mum that the blonde had passed out on his own bed, with their call still on.</p><p><br/>
So to be fair, Dream, Fundy and Quackity doesn't have a reason to be weary. <br/>
Yet.</p><p> </p><p>The stream goes on pretty chaotically.</p><p> </p><p>With Quackity dropping random diss tracks to whoever was unfortunate enough to have made fun of him off handedly.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Said man being Dream, of course. Tommy cracking a wheeze stupidly mimicking Dream's iconic one, except this time with the addition of coughs rattling through his ribs like a kid whose been smoking weed and ash through his nose and exhaled it back up his throat.</p><p> </p><p>Dream huffs out in disappointment, acting like the insults Quackity threw at him had hurt through his 'stellar acting.'</p><p> </p><p>With Wilbur supposedly proposing to the faceless man in the background with poems sappy enough to make you wanna crawl into a hole and die out of secondhand embarrassment.</p><p> </p><p>Techno kept mumbling 'hullooo' and 'ba Ba BA' with his chat spamming along the same lines until it nearly crashed from spammers a couple of times. Phil also spamming in his chat and starting to type in chaotic things about grilled cheese and Gordon Ramsay in all of their respective chats.</p><p> </p><p>Tubbo crying wholeheartedly over a bee he had befriended that was accidentally killed by Fundy when the man had wanted to feed it water. Drowning the bee completely in the process. Resulting into panicked and rushed apologies coming from the man playing a furry.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>All the while Tommy had laughed and probably busted a lung or two throughout the whole chaos. Promptly hacking out an organ if he were to laugh any harder. Also probably giving his viewers tinnitus if they haven't already.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
The whole stream was in shambles as it erupted with screams and horrible finicky music set as the background courtesy of Quackity himself.</p><p> </p><p>Quickly forgetting any of their problems as they waste away for the night in bouts of laughter and singing. </p><p> </p><p>The time hit around 12 am and their energy started to wave off as well.</p><p> </p><p>Laughing so hard for hours draining their souls to the core.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Leaving soft rumbles of mundane and random conversations thrown here and there around the participants of the call.</p><p><br/>
The only one seemingly buzzing with energy, was Tommy himself.</p><p> </p><p>For he had laughed at anything with just the same amount of volume as he did hours before.</p><p> </p><p>His friends settled down while he seems to still be running high on energy.</p><p><br/>
Chat spamming</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jesus christ what does his mom feed him?</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>THE BLACK HOODIE POG</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>OHH! LOOK FOR ANY STAINS BET WE CAN FIND OUT IF HE'S SNIFFING METH OR SOMETHING WITH HOW DARK THAT HOODIE IS!</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>TOMMY U DRUGS ARE?</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>Lmfao why is he so energetic tho, the others look so shitty already and he still looks ready for a marathon</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>Tommy you okay?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Tommy paid them no mind, putting his attention mostly on their conversations.</p><p><br/>
Not able to pick up Phil's concern when Wilbur had quietly screenshooted Tommy's chat to their private group chat.</p><p> </p><p>The others in the group noticed as well and was growing slightly anxious at how bubbly Tommy is being, still.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Quackity, Fundy, and Dream quickly jumping on the bandwagon when suddenly Tommy burst out into a fit of giggles for no apparent reason.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy laughs wholeheartedly at completely and utterly nothing, crunching his nose and squinting his eyes in that way that makes you think the joke he heard was so funny.</p><p> </p><p>But there was none.</p><p> </p><p>The others grew silent at this, looking at each other wearily again.</p><p> </p><p>Even through the screen, the concern was starting to show really well when Tommy's giggles made no sign of stopping.</p><p> </p><p>Even with Tommy clasping a hand over his mouth, almost as if he wasn't in control.</p><p><br/>
And somehow that was way more unnerving than they thought.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy, Phil, Wilbur, Tubbo , Fundy, Quackity, and Dream's chats, literally all of them started booming over the teenagers sudden bursts of laughter.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<em>UUH GUYS SRSLY THO IS HE OKAY?? HE SOUNDS A BIT DIFFERENT HERE</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>YOO IS HE RLLY HIGH! THE FUCK? HIGHINNIT?!</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>Is Tommy okay??? Is there something wrong with him?</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>WHICH ONE OF YA'LL BROKE THE CHILD HUH?! SQUARE UP BITCHES </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>the fuck he good?</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>Hey hey hey is Tommy doing alright? He looks like he couldn't stop laughing, is he okay?</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>That legit looks painful, I'm worried about his voice</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>GUYS CAN HE EVEN STOP??</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>BONK HIM IN THE HEAD OR SOMETHING! HE'S EITHER BEING WHOLESOME OR DOWNRIGHT MURDEROUS I DON'T LIKE THAT I CANT DECIDE WHICH ONE! MANS A PSYCHOPATH HELP</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>guys you should rlly help him has he been on anything???</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>Wtf wtf he actually does drugs the hell?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>HIGHINNIT IS A DISASTER </em><br/>
<em>JOKER IS QUAKING RN</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>AS HE SAID BEFORE , AND I QUOTE, 'MY DIAPHRAGM IS QUAKING'</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>YOO Tommy hmu with the good stuff</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The others had grown frazzled. <em>What if it was true???</em></p><p><br/>
Tommy was basically wheezing, which according to Dream, was actually very painful if it were to drag on for too long.</p><p><br/>
And Tommy's been doing it for minutes now.</p><p> </p><p>Concern winning over the chat, Wilbur quickly bid their fans in the stream goodbye.</p><p> </p><p>Looking nervously at the flood of worried messages from their fans before sighing in relief when it all faded to pitch black.</p><p> </p><p>The others remain in the call. Trying to calm Tommy down, who was basically in hysterics. </p><p> </p><p>Wilbur was told by Dream to tweet out that Tommy was doing fine, that he was just sick and all that jazz before any of their fans could twist it into something that they were sure was not actually the truth.</p><p><br/>
They hoped. Tommy wouldn't do that. He wouldn't purposefully go on stream with drugs in his system right?</p><p> </p><p>Phil and Techno muttering curses under their breaths as their worry made it hard to communicate.</p><p> </p><p>Phil spoke to Tommy gently while Techno bombarded him with too many questions all at once, voice still monotone but the edge of disbelief was there.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Tubbo frowns to himself and crosses his arms. Not liking what chat had said about his best friend. Surely not. Tommy wouldn't do that, right?</p><p> </p><p>Dream rubbed his temples a bit, turning his head to a sputtering Quackity as Phil and Techno mumbled words of encouragement to Tommy so that the boy would calm down and stop laughing.</p><p> </p><p>Fundy frantically typing in his keyboard on what kinds of drugs might cause hysteria or hyperactivity and found too many types to sort it out. Furrowing his eyebrows when Tommy had let out a few mispronounciations of words he usually would say perfectly without a problem.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
The kid was slightly slurring, shit, all of them collectively thought, minus Tubbo who was stubbornly crossing his arms in silent worry. Not trusting himself to help when he has adults that know better, instead wanting to believe Tommy wouldn't do such a thing.</p><p><br/>
"Is he high Quackity? Is he actually on drugs right now?" Dream said hurriedly, worried over Tommy's wheezing, reminding him too much of his own laughter but way dragged out and painful.</p><p> </p><p>Quackity, even through his look of concern managed to look highly offended over the fact that Dream would ask him such a thing like he was an expert.</p><p> </p><p>The offended noises rose in his throat when Dream impatiently asks again, </p><p>"Ugh! <em>No</em> Dream,<em> I do not do drugs</em>. Despite your clouded perceptions I am not a man of meth thank you very much. You should know that goddammit!"</p><p><br/>
Making Dream rub his hand on the bridge of his nose.</p><p><br/>
At least now he knew Quackity wasn't a crack addicted motherfucker. </p><p> </p><p>Tommy though, he was more worried about.</p><p><br/>
Dream decides to tell Techno and and Phil to deal with contacting Tommy's parents while Wilbur sorts out the mess that is Twitter.</p><p><br/>
Tubbo looking around helplessly and trying to soothe Tommy with a few of his words.</p><p> </p><p>Fundy still scrolling through websites on how to help, though the frustrated noise he produced made it clear he was in no way closer towards finding an answer.</p><p>Quackity whispering to Tommy a short latino folktale in hopes of maybe taking his mind off of whatever it was that made Tommy laugh.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy seems to have grown louder, the others mentally wincing, and Quackity stops himself from going any further, instead opening his twitter and helping Wilbur make up excuses because goddamn Wilbur's tweet got so many replies.</p><p> </p><p>Wilbur was hecking worried to all hell, and yet he was now tasked with handling people hoarding his replies. He needs to be sufficient and effective, not suspicious. Glad that Quackity offered some assistance whilst he posts his own tweets to distract the worried viewers in the mean time.</p><p> </p><p>Dream motioned Tubbo to stop when Tommy had leaned in closer towards his screen.</p><p> </p><p>Dream taking this to his advantage as he spoke sternly into Tommy's ears,</p><p> </p><p>"Tommy. You need to calm down buddy. Is everything okay? Can you calm down?"</p><p> </p><p>Tommy hiccups, and was back to stifling his giggles like a little girl, slurring out the words,</p><p> </p><p>"Wouldn't you like to know, big D?"</p><p> </p><p>An eyebrow wiggle following through.</p><p> </p><p>Dream sighed heavily, eyebrows creasing even deeply.</p><p> </p><p>Goddangit he was not ready to raise children.</p><p> </p><p>Dream spoke louder this time, worry lacing his tone,</p><p><br/>
"I'm serious Tommy. You're acting weird. Please tell us you're not on fucking drugs."</p><p><br/>
Dream stopping dead in his tracks when Tommy suddenly stops laughing, wincing as a hand pressed itself against the blonde's ear like he was in pain.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy laughs nervously then,<br/>
"Ahaha, you're so loud Dream, tone it down would you big man?"</p><p> </p><p>Hand still pushing his earlobe to lessen the sting Dream's voice gave.</p><p><br/>
Dream sputtered like a fish, with Tubbo crunching his eyebrows even more.</p><p> </p><p>The thing is, Dream wasn't even screaming or being that loud, in fact he barely raised his voice by pitch and Tommy was still wincing when Dream had spoken softer.</p><p> </p><p>Goddammit this kid, his concerns were spiking up and he could tell the others were just as panicked as he was.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Dream winced when he hears Fundy exclaim in his headset,</p><p><br/>
"Dream! He might not be on drugs after all!"</p><p><br/>
A collective sigh of relief fell through the lips of whoever was still on the call trying to calm Tommy the fuck down.</p><p> </p><p>Tubbo was quick to his enquiries, </p><p>"Yeah Fundy? What did you find?"</p><p><br/>
Nervously looking between the man and his best friend.</p><p> </p><p>Fundy pauses to listen to the question and hurriedly answers,</p><p><br/>
"Well! I found this research abou-"</p><p> </p><p>A click.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy's door opened.</p><p><br/>
Revealing his mum, looking worried out of her mind as she had gotten a call from Philza a while ago.</p><p><br/>
The others drew out shaky breaths and Tommy's mum hurriedly went closer to his side, heart twisting in worry when her son giggled at her presence like she was just in his imagination.</p><p> </p><p>She pats his forehead and it felt quite warm.</p><p>At least she has a reason to tend to his son's condition then right?</p><p><br/>
She moves into the view of Tommy's camera. Smiling tiredly at their anxious faces. Excusing herself as she explained how Tommy was feeling warm, nothing drug related at all. Her son wouldn't do that.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
The others sighed in relief again, looking quite unsure of leaving Tommy sick to his mind, but his mum was already there, so they might as well try to calm down the shit that's going down on Twitter right now.</p><p> </p><p>Muttering goodbyes and worried looks, one by one they left the call and started tweeting out how Tommy was just sick and moving on to random posts in hopes of calming people down.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Their nights were slightly hell, but Tommy was growing slightly drowsy from how much energy he's been forcing out and was now drifting into heavy slumber.</p><p> </p><p>Just like the night before, Tommy's eyelids drew down in a dreamless sleep.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
His friends dealing with Twitter, and his mum dealing with his worried father.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
Through all of that, Tommy was fast asleep in his mattress rolled in blankets of warmth and darkness.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. S l e e p</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tommy sleeps.</p><p> </p><p>Twitter is y'know, being twitter.</p><p> </p><p>The others are currently dealing with an unresponsive teenager and a mob of dumbasses.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <em>Tommy laid motionless on his bed. </em><br/>
<em>Eyes closed completely in undisturbed slumber. Limbs strewn about but unmoving, puffs of air escaping his chest being the only thing signaling he wasn't just dead.</em><br/>
<em>Certainly looking paler than what would be considered healthy. </em><br/>
<em>Eyebags pulling down his eyesockets as if rocks had been stacked neatly on them. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tommy was as good as a mannequin at this point. Tall, lanky, and unnervingly motionless. Like no outside force could wake him up even if it tried.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Black was the only thing currently residing in Tommy's subconscious. Riddled in comforting fog, blurring his surroundings completely making him float against air.</em><br/>
<em>Soothing darkness shushing him, throwing out the chances of him waking up any time soon.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Everything was shrouded in darkness and just the lack of anything. Lack of ticking sounds that usually grated at his nerves, lack of eyes prodding and looking through his soul belittling him of his actions, lack of frowns and disappointed sighs aimed at him, lack of air, for he did not need to breathe in this plane of existence, torn in between reality and his own fantasies.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>His fantasies of being gone. Nothing was a great way to describe his goals in life.</em><br/>
<em>That wasn't at all meant to be methaporic. It was purely and absolutely literal in every sense of way.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tommy didn't see anything at all, nothing but the cold, and empty air surrounding him, hugging him tightly towards it without any part of him escaping through.</em>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<em>Engulfing his entire being till it feels like he too, was nothing. A part of everything that was no more than nothing.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>For these moments of dreamless sleep, Tommy feels light, without a single ounce of weight dragging him down to the worlds claws.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tommy is empty, Tommy feels nothing, Tommy is nothing.</em>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<em>Tommy doesn't exist anywhere here, his voice and mind was lost, so was his mortal body. Cold seeping through his transparent bones, soaking through his joints, filling his bloodstream in order to squeeze out his humanity as he laid bare and open with his inside unfurled outside of him, melting into one with the far unknown mechanics of his mind, nothing.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tommy was nothing, sleep reminding him of his useless existence. Soothing him completely.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tommy sees nothing, hears nothing, and feels nothing. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Therefore he was also nothing in return.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-</em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>[8:35]</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>Erin:</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>'Tommy. Dude, what the hell was that stream yesterday man?? You're literally trending all over twitter rn, the hell were you thinking Tommy?!'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>[8:37]</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>'Tommy istg, don't tell me you took more than how much I've told you to, c'mon.'</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Tommy.'</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Tommy, answer me c'mon!'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>[8:39]</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'TOMMY.'</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Bitch boy.'</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Blonde twink.'</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Gremlin.'</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Dumbass.'</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Oh fuck oh fuck you're srsly ignoring me rn?? Tommy! C'mon you dumb fuck, you're starting to scare the shit outta me.'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Tommy? T O M M Y!'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Please please please don't tell me you actually did it Toms please I'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'UGHHHHHH you shithead please answer me while I'm constipated on my ass worried for your fucking safety'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'be a fucking decent human being and answer me goddammit!'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'TOMMY OMFG'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING STOP IT THIS INSTANCE AND ANSWER ME YOU BASTARD YOU'RE SCARING ME'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.</p><p><br/>
The noises escaped Tommy's radar. Ears rendered useless through his drug induced sleep.</p><p><br/>
Eyelids shut down, heavy and tired. Fighting against gravity to maintain it's position, tightly closed against his tired pupils.</p><p> </p><p>A twitch not even coming from his body at the buzzing notifications vibrating from his phone.</p><p>
  <strong> <em>[9:35]</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>Tubbs:</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>'Tommy.'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Big man.'</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Big T?'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'U awake yt?'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Ur mum told us u were still sleeping, but I'm pretty sure ur not supposed to sleep this long without waking up.'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Unless there's something wrong?'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Tommy.'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Tommy. Wht r u doing now? R u busy???'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'I wanted to talk. Bout last night'</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Shit I'm not being too straightforward am I???'</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Tommy? Big T? U doin ok right?'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Hey hey hey big T, why aren't u answering me??'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Tommy? Tommy? Hey r u alright? Where r u rn? You're not trying to avoid me right? Come on Tommy, please answer me I'm starting to get rlly anxious here'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'What the chat said'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Those weren't true right big man? You wouldn't '</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Do that'</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Right???'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Tommy just please please answer me as soon as u can' </em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Please call me'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>[9:57]</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>Phil:</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>'Tommy?'</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Toms, you doing okay there mate? Tubbo told me you never answered his chats'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Did something happen yesterday Toms?'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'We know your mom cleared up things and told us you were sick, but we wanted to make sure for ourselves.'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'You're worrying us mate, answer our chats Toms, c'mon'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Tommy, mate, Will and Techno are considering some serious shit here. And I am perfectly on board with that if you won't say something.'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'C'mon Tommy, we don't want to bother your parents, your mom's already went to work and told us you were still sleeping, it wouldn't hurt to tell us that you're fine mate.'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'I am seriously growing grey hair at this point Toms, we need to discuss Twitter, you're still trending and I would not like things to escalate further Toms'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Call us when you're awake. No buts.'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>[10:13]</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>Wiblur:</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>'Child.'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'C'mon, wake up child. I know you're tired from yesterday, but you can't keep ignoring us like this Toms.'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'You're fucking trending on twitter man, haven't you seen any of that shit?'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Ppl would want an explanation from you Tommy. Please, whatever you're doing right now, drop it, and tell these guys you're fine. They need to hear it from you. We need to hear it from you.'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Toms, why aren't you answering? Are you srsly still sleeping? Tommy c'mon, whatever the fuck you're doing just drop it please'</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'We're worried you stupid gremlin child, haven't you noticed???'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'C'mon Tommy I don't like how you're ignoring us after last night'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'TOMMY.'</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Christ, Tommy where the fuck are you? Why won't you answer me why the fuck would you do this, do you want me to have a heart attack??'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Is that it? Big brother Wilby saving his little brother from the clutches of shady substance abuse???'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'If this is just one of your pranks again Tommy I swear I would fucking-'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'UGHH just answer me Toms please.'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'You're like a little brother to me and I would quite literally punt anyone who says otherwise. With that out of the way you have to understand how anxious you're making me man, come on. Toms.'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Fuck me. I am beyond worried now, Tommy you better fucking answer me at least this afternoon or I'm fucking breaking down your goddamned door.'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>[10:37]</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>Techno:</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>'Tommy'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>[10:40]</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'It would be nice to know if you're still alive y'know'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Seriously Tommy, you're probably bein' sussed out in twitter right about now'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Jesus hell, that fucking app is cursed. I really want it to burn, and these are one of those times'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'C'mon Toms, what could you possibly be doin' ? It's not a Wednesday, so why not answer our calls?'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'That literally only takes a few minutes'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>[10:43]</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'You're not helpin' your case here Toms'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'You won't even answer any of us, I hate to be dramatic and all that, but I will personally take up Willbur's offer to drag you with him and Phil outside, and to make you fuckin' talk already, child.'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Are we playin' the cold shoulder now Toms?'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'I will fly myself to London if I have to Tommy.'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Tommy'.</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>[11:00]</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>Dream:</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>'Tommy. Hey'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'You there Tommy?'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Okay look,we need to talk.'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'I know your mom told us you were only sick yesterday but apparently some of our fans have found that hard to believe.'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'And I know, mostly they're just worried about you Tommy, you're still young, and they obviously don't wanna baby you, but they're just worried over last night's stream okay?'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Call up Tubbo. Or Wilbur or Techno or Phil, hell, call all of them at once if you need to.'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Or if you're embarrassed you could always talk to me bud. There's no need to feel ashamed, the others are rlly worried about you, and we won't like something bad happening to our 16 year old little-'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>*message deleted*</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Little gremlin. Clown. Child, was what I meant. Er, our one and only little gremlin child. Yeah, yeah...our puny gremlin child.'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Seriously Tommy, answer our calls when you could alright?'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>[11:11]</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>Big Q:</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>'Eyyyyy Tommyyyyyy'</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>'How's the little gremlin hmmmnnmm???'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Twitter's being bitch right now Tommy, you'd prolly need to consider calling any of us back y'know'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Jesus christ I keep getting flashbacks of those people cancelling me for no reason, motherfuckers.'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'I'm pretty sure these bitches couldn't get you cancelled unless they want to catch some hands, but considering how dumb these people are I wouldn't put it pass them.'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'You better say something soon Tommy, I better not see any of those bitches posting fake shit when you haven't said anything yet.'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'I repeat, the SMP is full of bad bitches we will throw hands'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'So please for the sake of not actually causing a war irl just call us back okay Tommy, hopefully you're just sick and only being a whiny bitch about it'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Call mee you stupid tall ass minorrr'</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>[11:19]</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>Furry:</em> </strong><br/>
<strong> <em>'Tommy.'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Are you doing okay? Last night you seemed....off'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'Well you're not picking up any of our calls so that's....concerning...to say the least'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'......'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Okay, Tommy talk to me okay? Like anyone literally, my sister studied a bit of pharmacy before she dropped out of college so I know a little bit on how to do research properly on the internet about these things without getting the fake ones'</em> </strong>
</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>'I found a few interesting things that are pretty similar in your case Tommy, and I don't like that all.'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'I won't tell anyone yet, but I'm also still making sure...'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Are you using something Tommy? I'm pretty sure a fever, which your mom also told us weren't that high, wouldn't be able to make you all bubbly and giggly and all that stuff'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'So again, I ask, are you taking something Tommy? I found a few things I could narrow down, and these are full of dangerous side effects you wouldn't want Tommy.'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'Answer my question once you've read this okay? I still want to believe you won't take anything. Plus, judging from my suspicions, even if they were true, you've probably only used them in small amounts, nothing really obvious has happened to you so far, and that's the only thing good about this.'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>'I can only hope I guess. You better call me later after your little nap or I'll start giving them ideas Tommy.'</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Tommy's discord roared with different people spamming and asking him if he was okay. How did he get sick. What's the sickness. And all other things.</p><p> </p><p>The SMP members chatting him personally and asking if he wanted to talk.</p><p> </p><p>All in all, his discord and many of the private chats had been bombarded by so many questions.</p><p><br/>
His twitter being tagged so many times by his fans all around the globe that has caught up on the incident last night.</p><p><br/>
A few of them trying to see the good side of things, half of them worried about his wellbeing, and few others fuelling the fire by calling him slurs and especially calling him a druggie and an addict.</p><p> </p><p>A sad pathetic annoying 16 year old using drugs bought from the money he made from his own fans. Disgusting. Low. Multiple people tweeting out these exact same things.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Other members of the SMP blocking these messages as much as they can, having to hold in the urge to shit talk them all privately in order to suppress the chaos happening at the current moment.</p><p> </p><p>And Tommy?</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Poor tired Tommy is still knocked out cold on his bed, blissfully unaware of the havoc he would have to face once he wakes up later on, that exact afternoon. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ey those are just their chats for today</p><p>Tomorrow I'll have more dw ;3</p><p> </p><p>Ooooh what is that Fundy? 👀</p><p> </p><p>And yes, as one of the lovely comments have said, it would truly be concerning if Tommy started to grow resistance towards the pills, because y'know, the more you're adjusted the more you will take *nudge nudge* *wink* -insert evil smirk here-</p><p>You guys are pretty spot on about Tommy needing to figure out his lack of sleep in better ways, he'll probably lie about all this shit too after he wakes up, like someone predicted, Tommy will be lying about not taking his adhd pills, becuz I also tend to get all funky whenever I forget to take mine hehe good job!</p><p> </p><p>Anyways tell me how worried you are in the comments and tell me what you think about this chap hshshshhs</p><p>Twitter: Literally a bitch<br/>Dre SMP: Ready to throw hands<br/>SBI: T h r e a t<br/>Tubbo: Vv concerned, and anxious<br/>Tommy: s n o r e</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Lying is hard</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tommy finally wakes up and answers Wilbur's call.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I didn't proof read this, I'm sleepy as shit</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>
<em>Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.</em>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<em>Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.....</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ugh.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>What the hell is-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.</em>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>
W-where did that sound came from Tommy doesn't-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ping. Ping. Ping.</em>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>
A crease grew between Tommy's forehead.<br/>
Getting more and more aggravated as the buzzing sounds whirled in his head with a force. Pulling him out of his haze, head fuzzy and full of cotton with its diverse pitch and rhythm clashing together into a harmony of disturbance.</p><p> </p><p>Ringing in his head without rest. Subtle thumps pounding against his scalp that weren't his own heartbeat. Telltale signs of another headache beginning to sprout. Hand only managing to move in favor of massaging his aching temples.</p><p> </p><p>The only bad thing about this whole ordeal, Tommy grimaces to himself. If he looks at it's advantages, it outweighs the disadvantages for sure. For that single reason alone, Tommy is convinced this was an effective and efficient way of getting the well needed rest he so craves for.</p><p> </p><p>Phantom pains trailing up his neck, Tommy tilts it to the left in an attempt to lessen the tension stretching in between them down to this sore shoulders. Meeting a cracking sound that was enough to tell him that he was gonna suffer for the next few hours.</p><p><br/>
Around him blurred images was a constant. Black spots Tommy had chosen to ignore so as to not increase his impending headache.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Catching slight movement from his peripherals, directing his gaze it's way to seek what had caused his head to spin.</p><p><br/>
It was an annoying feat, first having to get up on his wobbly legs, second having to navigate his way across the mess that was his room, with his aching head mind you, and thirdly for having to listen to the consistent pang of noises assaulting his ears until they rang.</p><p> </p><p>Without a sense of direction leading him anywhere, Tommy decides to rely on his hearing instead. Despite the pain, it was actually the only thing distinct enough that Tommy could actually decipher where different sounds came from. The one catching his attention the most was situated on what he remembers was his desk.</p><p>Not trusting his legs to carry him long enough, Tommy outstretches his hands and felt them hit the wall. Tommy followed it's surface to where he now stands still with his knees hitting his gaming chair.</p><p><br/>
Shuffling about, finally ending up sat on his chair as per his main cause. Once again rubbing at his eyes for the umpteenth time that day and finds a crooked smile looking more like a grimace plastering itself on his lips from the sheer gratefulness of not having to move anytime soon.</p><p> </p><p>Finding it hard to ignore the rings and buzzes from whatever the fuck sat in front of him, Tommy grabs it and immediatly started pressing, not realizing his thumb  brushing over a green button he hadn't known was the accept button. He also didn't see his screen fanning in and out indicating a call ringing in, so of course he doesn't know that.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
What surprises him more was the blaring noise bursting out of this thing, which he quickly assumed was his phone, letting out strings of curses on the other line. The headache making it hard for Tommy to determine what this person was saying.</p><p><br/>
All he got from the noise was a slight deep, baritone voice that Tommy usually associates with Wilbur.</p><p><br/>
His tone sounded way too distressed for his liking, Tommy would think that the man talking to him was just simply upset if not for the curse words strangely coherent to him amongst other words that were hurled at him in record speed.</p><p><br/>
His thoughts process died and Tommy ignored the slight pressure after craning his neck a little too far, opting to take a breather and ask for Wilbur to lower his voice before his head could crack open to expose his probably burning skull.</p><p> </p><p>Wilbur acknowledges his pleas when he himself heard Tommy's slightly ragged breathing. Thinking it was uncharacteristic of him to just ask Wilbur to 'please lower your voice' instead of going for his usual 'your voice is annoying me Wilbur, please stop'. Enough for Wilbur to tell that he was indeed in a much more concerning state than the older man had initially thought.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy couldn't see the frown on Wilbur's face, but he could practically hear it in his voice while he thankfully lowered his volume down enough so Tommy's ears wouldn't bleed.</p><p> </p><p>But his words were definitely harder to handle.</p><p><br/>
"Tommy what the fuck happened last night? You weren't answering our calls until now, in the fucking afternoon, and now you're asking me to be all quiet when you can shout me out?"</p><p>The man finished with a start, tongue seemingly holding off back a few words he was not ready to utter. With Wilbur's frantic tone though, Tommy could guess that the man had been worried. That one he was the most certain of.</p><p> </p><p>What he was worried about was what alarmed him.</p><p>Memories of past events which had occurred no longer than half a day ago flooding in his mind with how hard his head had been holding it back, pushing it to the forefront of his mind as his thought process furled and continued to replay the broken snippets into one full movie.</p><p> </p><p>And holy fuck was it unpleasant. </p><p> </p><p>Wilbur's words seem to hit it home from him, the reason for why he was currently trying to swallow down spit in his dried out throat. Hoping his silence won't be translated as a confirmation for whatever Wilbur might be worried about as long as Tommy could manage a lie believable enough for Wilbur to soothe the mans worry. Hopefully his suspicions too.</p><p><br/>
He's not going to stop taking his pills because of this. He was damned well going to see by the end of either this week or the next, an empty bottle. Maybe even adorning a prideful and relaxed smile if he ever grew the courage to actually go out with them in the process.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy would much rather suffer from mild headaches (that was a lie it hurt like a bitch) than having to cut his much needed sleeping time.</p><p> </p><p>Wilbur seems to have taken his silence in the wrong light anyways, as he had genuinely said with the most deadpanned voice Tommy has ever heard from him, "Alright. I'm coming to your place." In the next instance Tommy could hear shuffling and rustling of keys sounding from Wilbur's line. The sound spiking up his headache and spurs a sudden wave of vertigo Tommy thinks he might get sick.</p><p> </p><p>In a last ditch attempt of preventing Wilbur from stepping even a single foot outside of his house and towards Tommy's, the young blonde had racked his brain hard enough to come up with a decent lie he had heard a couple of his friends say after almost getting caught smoking weed in college bathroom stalls.</p><p> </p><p>His lying skills were definitely questionable, but Tommy was more than capable of easing the tension of having to lie better than most people, working to his advantages because he would often relax, and the people he lied to would be less wary of his words if he eased them into his lies longer.</p><p>"Wilbur! Wilbur, what the fuck? That's some weird shit man, you're going to my house? Me, a teenager? What would the neighbors say when they see a grown ass man entering my house when they know my mom and dad are barely home before night?" Tommy hums jokingly, ending it with his boisterous laugh, holding in the urge to bang his head into his desk at the sudden throb attacking his head in favor of making sure that he was seen as nonchalant enough that Wilbur would leave him alone.</p><p><br/>
Unfortunately, Wilbur was more observant than most others, especially because this was Tommy, though the slight heavy tone he gave as he spoke was another reason Tommy will continue to push Wilbur away until the man would eventually give up and leave him be.</p><p> </p><p>A slight, minuscule sound of contemplation there only Tommy could pick up after basically being accepted as the man's pseudo little brother.</p><p><br/>
That tone meant Wilbur was actually weighing about his options, even if it was just a slight chance, a slight unnoticeable shift in tone, Tommy would take it and turn it into something useful.</p><p>"No,Tommy." Wilbur denied after a beat of silence. Sounding far too serious than what Tommy had hoped. Gulping slightly as the man continued where he left off, sounding a bit more resilient this time, "I will go to your house regardless. Let them shit themselves to death, see if I care, all I want to do now is make sure that you're actually fine back there, okay?" Ending it with a tone of finality that Tommy had to wince in order not to make a sound of distress upon hearing the sound.</p><p><br/>
If Wilbut wasn't gonna be chill about it, then neither will he.</p><p><br/>
Nervously letting his fingers scrape against his thigh in order to calm his rapidly beating heart, Tommy then spoke up, phone pressed tightly against his ear as he let's out his reason regarding what had happened the night prior during their stream. Passing it off as him being forgetful of his adhd medication, explaining what it does to him in a series of description Tommy was admittedly proud of actually remembering despite it's only purpose of hiding his dumb mistake the other night.</p><p><br/>
It was stupid of him, taking in the pills before the last dosage was off. It was his first few times using them, of course they were gonna mess with his system more than average for it hadn't built up a tolerance system strong enough to wind the effects down. Surprise not surprise, of course he consumed another pill just to further prove his recklessness and lack of consideration. Tommy really needs to try harder if he wants to keep this shit up.</p><p> </p><p>"Tommy...." Wilbur said, sounding particularly guilty about assuming Tommy's condition as if he knew Tommy's body better than the boy himself. Tommy finds that he also couldn't ignore hearing the slight edge of disbelief flowing through Wilbur's voice just by calling his name aloud.</p><p><br/>
Making Tommy aware of his slight skepticism. </p><p>Tommy grips at his skin like it was gonna do anything to convince Wilbur of his lies even more.</p><p>Wilbur continues on the next problem though, as he goes back to the 'I am still fucking concerned and will not rest until we settle some of this bullshit down' tone that almost triggers Tommy's flight or fight instincts.</p><p><br/>
Wilbur sounded very sincere as he apologized, but he was back using the tone in the matter of seconds like Tommy hadn't just succeeded into making him drop the topic.</p><p><br/>
Finding it hard to breathe when Wilbur only shifted the topic into a much more concerning one that Tommy recalls never being a part of.</p><p> </p><p>Eyes landing on his phone as Wilbur's pop up chat informed Tommy of his recent send.</p><p><br/>
So many screenshots cropped together into one, caption annoyingly consisting of caps lock only as Tommy immediatly feels his heart drop to his stomach the moment he read the line, </p><p> </p><p><br/>
<strong>
    <em>'Content creator Tommyinnit suspected of substance abuse, what shall be your theories regarding the current heating topic trending world wide?'</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>His face whites, and he feels his chest constricting in panic that even Wilbur could sense miles and miles away with only their phones connecting them together in this uncomfortable and certainly mortifying topic.</p><p><br/>
Wilbur scrunched his eyebrows in alarm as he begins to count up to seven, requesting the same motion to be repeated from Tommy while the boy struggled to even breathe. </p><p>Only with the sounds of Wilbur's soothing voice, comforting words slightly lilting with melody, did Tommy start to regain his composure. Scratchy and frantic breathing calming down into tired and slow ones. Still rigid, but definitely better than the sudden bout of asphyxiation Tommy just experienced about a second ago.</p><p> </p><p>Wilbur grew quieter as he listens to Tommy's light breathing. Carefully thinking of his next words to not be influenced by the grating worry and hidden panic he also felt the moment Tommy had started hyperventilating right next to his ear, the sound almost disrupting his attempts at soothing Tommy's panic for he was almost consumed by his own.</p><p><br/>
Waiting only a second longer, Wilbur clenches his fists and felt protectiveness surging through his chest in a ridiculous amount.</p><p> </p><p>"Don't worry Toms. We can figure it out. I'll help you and the others will too. These guys don't even deserve someone as good as you Toms. What a bunch of jerks, assuming shit when it's all just crap." Wilbur says with venom coating his words. The clear protectiveness in his tone making Tommy feel impossibly warm and safe in the inside, but was also ironically the reason for his stomach's churns and twists.</p><p><br/>
<em>Wilbur shouldn't be defending a liar. A pathetic and scared liar.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Tommy stills and doesn't answer for a moment, feeling guilt and sorrow twisting his insides when Wilbur had sounded so firm and determined to help some annoying kid that wasn't even willing to tell this older brother figure he had loved so much the truth he so much deserves.</p><p><br/>
Tommy was a lying scum. But he was also a scared one at that.</p><p><br/>
Tommy accepts that thought for the time being as he pushes the guilt ridden tears back while his lips stained red, not really remembering when he had gnawed at them, but accepted the calming sting it had brought nonetheless.</p><p> </p><p>Fucking hell even just by his silence Wilbur could still sense Tommy's immense distress.</p><p> </p><p>Wilbur goes on to rant, failing to hide his heavily worried tone, still pushing all his might to soothe Tommy's anxiety with the words, "I'm always here for you Toms. Remember that, besides, there's no need to be worried about, you just forgot your medication and was not on anything at all, nothing more than that. Right?"</p><p> </p><p>Wilbur sounded encouraging, like he actually believes in the statement himself when Tommy could literally sense the slight doubt dripping from those words alone.</p><p> </p><p>The blonde sits there, hands clutching his phone tightly as he rubs his wet eyes furiously, irritating his skin, as he quietly whispers a shaky but firm, "Yeah..."</p><p> </p><p><br/>
The lie sounding even more bitter than Tommy would've thought.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Tommy wakes up to even more suffering smh</p><p> </p><p>Maybe I should've gave him more-</p><p> </p><p>Wait that's for later-</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Some things went good.</p><p> </p><p>Some were worse.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Tw: hints of like, self-harming tendencies<br/>not too much tho</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Wilbur hadn't been lying when he told Tommy they'd take care of this whole mess immediatly. Tommy really couldn't blame him, he was honestly the whole reason for this stupid problem in the first place, yet that still doesn't mean Wilbur's thirst for a way out soothed him.</p><p>It brung forth some comfort, mostly out of the warmth spreading in his chest at how hard Wilbur and the others are trying. Thoughtfull also a word Tommy would describe them with.</p><p>Reactions of his abrupt come back being out of shock, to panicked worry, and then to sheer relief.</p><p><br/>
Tommy was glad the others had understood and left his reasoning alone instead of outwardly expressing some of the doubt sprinkled on their relaxed faces.</p><p><br/>
Fundy was legit looking at him funny, unsure of what to do except to just roll with in and hope the man won't get caught up on any of those research he's mentioned about. Tommy was scared enough as it is, another person possibly high on his tail wouldn't be good.</p><p> </p><p>Which is how he finds himself now, fever long gone, replaced only by a slight headache. Having been fussed over by Phil earlier -giving him recommendations of medicine to take for his headache from his personal doctor because he knew Tommy grows really antsy being anywhere near a doctor, Phil was just kind like that- after he had came back and explained a few things (<em>sadly, excusing himself with lies yet again</em>) as his friends raced to ask him questions about his condition.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy briefly recalls the serious talk he had with Phil, Techno, and Wil. Still remembering how much they threw the phrases 'worried about you' all over the place. Not once trying to pretend that his jokes could distract them from delivering their point. Earning another sigh from him as he apologizes and promises to be better at alerting his friends in the future. With Techno's promise to beat him up very badly if Tommy dares to pull a stunt like this again. (<em>He says it's annoying, but Tommy knows it lacks any real heat, so it makes Tommy smile everytime he think about it</em>).</p><p><br/>
Tubbo followed through those worried calls, and while Tommy appreciates that Tubbo wasn't too persistent about what happened, the brunette was still not entirely pleased at the shit show he had created. Tommy knew he means well, Tubbo wasn't mad at him, just mad at his and their fans. Regarding them as stupid and close minded. Earning a good chuckle from Tommy only to go back to joking around for Tubbo's sake, smiling inwardly to himself when the brunette slowly loosened up.</p><p>They talked and talked for hours, Tommy cracking jokes here and there, as per usual. With Tubbo either snickering at some of them or straight up looks at him dead in the eyes with the most unimpressed face in the world when he made a particularly bad joke, which in Tommy's honest opinion, made it all the more funnier.</p><p> </p><p>Surely, Tommy already knows by now that he should start his stream. Comforted by memories of his previous calls with his friends, admittedly making it slightly easier to push down the heavy lump in his throat. If he can make it pass turning on his PC, then there was nothing in even hell that could stop him from clicking the, for some reason, glaringly bright purple button that read words,<em> 'Go live'</em>, he doesn't admit made his anxiety spike up a bit.</p><p><br/>
His fingers hovered above his keys. Taking an embarrassing amount of time, <em>breathing</em>, of all things, so as to not upset his profusely constricting air way at even the mere prospect of clicking the damned button that would either serve him endless support, or severe backlash.</p><p>There was no in between, and Tommy hated that the bigger part of his brain believed of a future apprehensively rather than trying to shred it in a positive light.</p><p><br/>
It was at times like these, where Tommy was almost glad that the others are all probably watching his streams to make sure everything goes well. Because hell knows he'd actually crumble in front of thousands of people, turning whatever they thought badly of him as reality had it not been for their comforting presence behind his screen.</p><p><br/>
His fingers shook at the thought, pondering slowly how he should be able to do this. Calling back, he hasn't actually done anything really bad at least. In fact, what he does only has effects towards him, his personal life, his fans shouldn't care, for what kind of reason would they even need to nose their way in? Unless their sick sociopaths maybe, Tommy has met a few before unfortunately, still that was an unlikely situation upon his further inspection.</p><p><br/>
He hadn't done anything wrong after all, what he does only effects him, so he doesn't see the problem in being brave and lie a little over a small thing that probably won't cost them anything.</p><p><br/>
<strong> <em>(Yeah, at the expense of your life, dumbshit.)</em> </strong>
</p><p>Tommy takes in gulps of air once more, determination finally settling deep in his bones. </p><p>Thinking too much wouldn't do anyone good, especially considering how a few messages had been sent in a rather soothing manner from a few of his friends, that know exactly he was just stalling time from streaming.</p><p><br/>
Tommy smiles weakly, but it was genuine.<br/>
Reading the flurry of messages constantly telling him,<em> 'You'll do good, don't worry'</em> and things like,<em> 'Go on Tommy, we'll be there if you need any help explaining'.</em></p><p><br/>
With comforting words and a conscious mind telling him what he does wouldn't matter to anyone therefore he doesn't need to be scared unless he were to be found out, Tommy's finger finally found the ability to move again as it brushed over the<em> 'Go live'</em> button.</p><p><br/>
The screen went still for a second, before it blared bright into life. In just the matter of minutes, the subs came rolling in overflowing and nearly overwhelming him, doubled with the chat spamming so many things, he notes thankfully, a majority of them asking if he was okay.</p><p>Tommy smiles upon seeing the flood of worried, yet not quite intrusive questions that would've certainly leave him breathless in no time entering his chat.</p><p><br/>
Spamming mostly pogchamps here and there after Tommy does his usual intro, slightly lacking his usual fervor, that was only because he was nervous and worn out at the same time though, but Tommy could've cried tears of joy right then and there because they didn't even mention it.</p><p><br/>
Instead making the chat flood with words of assurance and understanding upon his whole forgetting my adhd pills spiel, (<em>which may or may not have made his stomach recoil for having to lie to his incredibly understanding fans, but a bigger part of his brain was stubborn as hell, screaming at him how he'd be a walking, demented, sickly weak child, if it weren't for those pills. The anti-depressants contained in them helped too, a traitorous part of his brain quipped up unhelpfully, further doubling his reasons to lie, which was only twisting his gut in more guilt. Jesus christ he was even at war with his own mind</em>) forever grateful they immediatly slammed his chats with words of encouragement to get through his condition (<strong><em>that wasn't really the truth</em></strong>), and stories being shared at how Tommy's the one to get them through the constant repression that had came with their own conditions that made him honestly smile (<em>slightly grimace, he wouldn't admit to himself. How could he lie to them like this when they were being so supportive? God</em>) but he was truly glad that he had helped them go through some tough shit, and was glad they understood where he came from with this whole problem. <strong><em>(God, you're just lying, you won't do anything about it really, you're too cowardly, what a piece of shit.)</em></strong></p><p><br/>
Tommy's hand, free of the mouse, must've brushed against something sharp, he knows this due to the sudden sting bursting through his fingers in flames, actually feeling something thick and liquidy trail down them. The open air scraping against his presumably split open fingers, doubling up the sting accompanying even the slightest shift in movement.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Whatever it is though, Tommy doesn't even let himself get bothered by, as his face captured by the screen the only thing showing him and whatever he was currently doing.</p><p><br/>
Safely hiding his hands, save for maybe the one holding his mouse. But other than that, the other hand remains still on his lap as he cheers loudly in order to beat the ringing in his ears when another person media shared some random shit about him stabbing a woman.</p><p><br/>
Spurring up a hilariously scandalous scene in the Dream SMP discord server how he's being sexist and that he shouldn't only stab women, but men too. And to be more representing all aspects of diversity, Quackity off handedly added in between their chats, "No matter how old they are, what gender they are, whatever the fuck their race is, if you have a knife, just stick it up their-"</p><p><br/>
Prompting a wheezing clip from Dream, and an explosion of dying laughter or just horrified amusement from his friends.</p><p><br/>
Tommy relaxes more at the brief exchange, laughing louder this time at one of the things he was media shared to.</p><p>Putting his mind more into his act, and before no time, he has successfully made his chat go wild with their usual playful quips of ,<em>'soberinnnit is back'</em>, or ,<em>'the child has summoned me'. </em></p><p><br/>
Tommy smiles, but that doesn't mean the occasional chats in a form of long paragraphs calling him names escaped his vision.</p><p><br/>
He was always in time, seeing them slightly before they were all banned by either Phil, Techno, or Wil, maybe Tubbo, or maybe half of the SMP already.</p><p><br/>
Tommy feels glad the gratefulness outweighs his decrease in self-confidence.<br/>
<strong><em>(What the chats said were true though, even if you could pretend you're not some druggie, which you are, it'll just come back to you later anyway. Didn't you forget you couldn't sleep for fuck?)</em></strong></p><p><br/>
Once again, Tommy feels pressure building up, an even more intense stinging sensation stretching his fingers. The liquid probably trailing down faster.</p><p><br/>
But, Tommy doesn't let it show, and the rest of the night goes really really well despite him.</p><p> </p><p>He hopes it'll be the same later in bed.</p><p>-</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Tommy smiles softly as he exited the call with his friends. The stream had gone well, his actual and amazingly caring fans had made a trend on twitter, a new one, with the tags being, <em>#BANTHEHATERS</em>, or <em>#LOCALBRITISHCHILDISBACK</em>.</p><p>Banning so many of tweets previously speculating the worst of his previously ambiguous absence, even if only for a few days.</p><p><br/>
Tommy feels really awestruck at that, sitting down on his bed, timidly glancing around his room back and forth. Eyes shifting it's gaze from the bottle of pills sitting right next to his PC in the guise of one of those candy vitamins, for he had torn off its label in order to fit more into the 'not dangerous' type of things, then back again abruptly at his own sheets. </p><p> </p><p>Tommy doesn't feel the edge of sleep coming to him, he bites his lips even further as he sees the clock strike 12.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He has to try at least right?</em>
</p><p><br/>
With that kept in mind, Tommy wriggles out his fingers from under the sheets. Finding his phone as he taps the screen and lazily pressed his index finger on its sensor.</p><p>Once it opened, Tommy regrets ever opening twitter.</p><p>A few new tweets regulating here and there, not yet detected by his fans, more so literally mentioning him with his fucking tag.</p><p><br/>
Tommy feels sick as he reads it down, dreadful curiosity beating his resolute determination of ignoring haters, making his eyes water from how much his lungs are failing after reading just a few sentences in.</p><p><br/>
Calling him a druggie, weak pathetic kid who just wants everyone's validation in order to function properly, dependent, needy, annoying, and childish.</p><p><br/>
Picking at each and every single one of his insecurities, to the point of even body shaming him for how skinny he looked.</p><p><br/>
Tommy's skin pricks in response, feeling tight on his own body, dread filling his insides and out. Tommy quickly swallows down the urge to gasp for air.</p><p><br/>
Pushing his palms into his eyes, forcing on a tight reassuring smile on his lips and muttering words of comfort under his breath.</p><p><br/>
"You can do this."<br/>
<strong><em>(No, you can't. Look at you, you're using pills so you could sleep for fucks sake.)</em></strong></p><p>"They don't mean that. Or at least maybe only a few of them are like that."<br/>
<strong><em>(They do. They fucking do. Look at how much time and research they put with those time stamps and past tweets from you in order to drag you down. They genuinely hate you, don't ever go thinking otherwise. You may not even know if some of them tolerate you because you're just a child, if you were older, a lot of them probably would've been straightforward to you. How pitiful.)</em></strong></p><p><br/>
Tommy feels his heart grow cold. Some pressure being put on them without his consent, as his breathing grew ragged and tears gathered from the corners of his eyes.</p><p><br/>
Tommy opens his DM's instead, a chilling dread stabbing through his chest when he spots a notification from a few of the exact same guys that take pleasure in making his life miserable as much as they can.</p><p> </p><p>He remembers vividly the sensation of heavy pressure being put on his wrists until it bent and eventually the delicate bone underneath the skin deformed as it twists with a sickening crack.</p><p><br/>
Tommy swallows down the vivid recollection of other memories of him ending up bloodied and bruised in empty alleyways as he struggles to even stand up.</p><p><br/>
Immensely grateful for all of these online classes he would partake in when he could, when he doesn't feel like dealing with the pain restricting his movement and having to lie to his parents after. In order to just to avoid these people.</p><p> </p><p>He stupidly forgets they could still privately message him, fuck his account for being so exposed, then again he was a big time twitch streamer of course his socials were everywhere.</p><p><br/>
Tommy's eyes catch a few of the lines they said.</p><p>
  <em>"What a fucking wuss, look at you, looking for attention like your it's bitch. You do know people don't really like you right?"</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>"Annoying piece of shit, you're probably high on drugs, yet you lie to your poor fans. How disgusting does it feel to be a scum like you?"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Your 'friends' deserve better honestly. They should just ignore you. You're not worth anyone's time. What a waste."</em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>"They don't care you over confident motherfucker, they just don't want you dying or smthn on their case. That would obviously be wonderful, but they're just hiding that because they don't want to be responsible."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Tommy clamps his front teeth down onto his wobbly lips before any sound could escape. Hard.</p><p><br/>
Blue eyes teary, cheeks bright red, Tommy stares at the number 1 glaring back at him from his nightstand.</p><p><br/>
Tommy doesn't cry.</p><p><br/>
Tommy bites on his lips harshly, that at least keeps him silent. Scraping against already dry lips.</p><p><br/>
Tommy rests down on his back, eyes looking intensely at his ceiling.</p><p> </p><p>A twisting ache punching him right in the chest as he tries to close his eyes.</p><p><br/>
Trying his best to make himself relax.</p><p>The tears were held at bay.</p><p><br/>
Tommy bites his lips until they're stained copper.</p><p><br/>
Blue wide eyes moving frantically left and right, following any moment he could use to distract him from the obvious sleep that wasn't coming his way.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy shook his head at that, pressing his eyes close tightly. Fists curling on his sides as he shifts and shifts.</p><p><br/>
Tangled in blankets, the fabric burning his skin more than anything, Tommy shifts back to his original place.</p><p> </p><p>Wide eyes still opened.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy takes a single glance at his clock.</p><p><br/>
The red number 3 glaring back at him as something snapped inside of him, urges overwhelming him to the point he couldn't hold it in anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Wet hot tears burst out from his eyes endlessly. Gliding down his red cheeks, lips bloodied and shaking. As his chest caved and his shoulders shook violently when the sobs start leaking out.</p><p>Voice breaking, sobs rattled through his ribcage it fucking hurts. His split lips hurt, and his eyes sting so bad he feels them starting to swell.</p><p><br/>
His heart feels like someone doused acid on them, he feels his insides burn, the sobs coming up through his throat without pause, choking noises mixed with heavy gasps clawing through his mouth entered the otherwise empty room. His body felt like they were on fire, cramps and aches of pain spreading through his joints everytime his body recoiled back from a jerking sob.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy presses his shaky hands to claw at his own scalp.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He can't even fucking sleep without them.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm back with a long ass chapter wow.</p><p>Tell me what you think about this one as you wait for the next one hshshs</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Spiral?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>No matter how hard he tries, he'll always go back. Somehow worse.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys! Howdy? Sorry haven't been able to update much, school has gotten me really stressed out. But dw, writing is soothing to me, I love writing this story so I'll be damned before leaving it unfinished. </p><p>Give me another week and the updates will be frequent again yay ;) </p><p>it's therapy for my soul too :]</p><p> So here, for this week have chap 8, and I'll freakin update every day again starting from next week :)</p><p>Comments and kudos make me happy! They are greatly appreciated, I adore all of your kind and funny comments truly, makes my whole day brighter ;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Certain things came off tasking in the morning early on.</p><p> </p><p>Wet tears having been dried, staining pale cheeks like dirty smudges of barely noticeable bruises melting alongside his bare and aching face. Still nothing in comparison with his steadily growing eyebags. Which he wasn't sure what purpose it may serve when he solemnly came to that conclusion.</p><p> </p><p>His eyes sting so bad upon the fact it hadn't gotten any form of rest the night before, his red and skinny hands climbing up his face with an almost forceful press. Rubbing irritatingly harsh as a silent<em> 'fuck you'</em> to his body.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy sighs so heavily it physically hurt his chest. Eyes opening tiredly in an almost dazed like state. </p><p> </p><p>He'd strained them so hard, hoping foolishly for something he knew he had lost, with his back pressed up uncomfortably into the once comforting and homey confines of his sheets.</p><p> </p><p>It hadn't been easy, literally forcing your eyes to close, finding out you are incapable of doing so, resulting into waves of discomfort and general dread creeping up his body till it nearly eats him whole.</p><p> </p><p>Those feelings of frustration may or may not have spurred unkind thoughts to formulate through his painfully light head.</p><p> </p><p>And he is still trying to work through them. </p><p> </p><p>Mulling it over through and through, Tommy doesn't want to do anything too brash in such short notice. He needs to slowly work through his mediocre plan at consuming his 'meds' if he wants to make it work. </p><p> </p><p>You might think it's dumb, with how much effort he's put last night, even if it failed miserably, it was still a predictable one on Tommy's opinion. Honestly, it was more of a pathetic kind of desperation pulling through his actions last night. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He should've known the outcome will remain the same. What was he thinking? He should've just taken the goddamned pills.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It was simply wishful thinking, as always. Sleep never came as easy anymore after his problems at school and the internet's consistently toxic words outside his own kind fans. He's been secretly reading them under his friend's noses. And all before they could get under his fan's radar.</p><p> </p><p>The fact that Tommy could still scroll through them after an hour made something incredibly bitter burn his insides. There were incessantly loud but muffled voices distantly ringing in his ears. Weirdly acting like his second voice. Almost mimicking what an assistant would do to reprimand their boss lest they wanted nothing but danger greeting them. Tommy always has to listen to them. </p><p>Whether he wants to follow the growing cries of <em>'You need help' </em>or <em><strong>'Just fucking die already' </strong></em>Tommy instead tries to ignore how another part of his brain, a third party, one sometimes even worse than the two at how neutral it sounded telling him the only reason the growing cries of help for him only came was because his body was too strained and tired it was starting to grow desperate. For the damage had finally been done to him physically. A silent message being sent to his brain at how sad that sounds. His thoughts even betrayed him, but that would've been insane to him, before all of this shit. You aren't supposed to fucking get sensitive over words thrown at you by a practically <em>non-existent entity. </em></p><p> </p><p>These were only thoughts. Nothing more, nothing less. </p><p> </p><p>At least, that's what Tommy thinks he already believes.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(He's a liar).</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Minutes past just with him swallowing up dry spit to calm his scratchy throat. His sobbing being the last thing he needed if he wants to keep his laughter from sounding so fucked up. That would definitely raise some questions. They already did a couple of times, who was there to say it wouldn't get serious.</p><p> </p><p>And quite frankly, Tommy doesn't want to deal with that thank you very much. He just got his friends and fans to calm down, and by god he was not going to make a mess again if he could keep it all to himself.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>There's no strength left in him to actually stand up. </p><p> </p><p>So he settles down on his stiff back. Pondering on the thoughts he was scared to consider before.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I mean, will it really matter in the end? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Tommy frowns at that.</p><p> </p><p>It really doesn't, does it?</p><p> </p><p>Pressuring his hands anywhere they could get. His eyes, next to his arms, then his legs. He wants something other than his screaming thoughts, nothing is ever pleasant with an intrusive mind such as his own. Stupidly coming at the worst possible time, which is literally the point of intrusive thoughts he supposes bitterly.</p><p> </p><p>The morning breeze helped him accomplish nothing at all, a chill tingle climbing across his skin. But that was about it, not providing it's usual comfort in bad mornings such as these.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It just can't be helped then. Once his morning is ruined, his day will inevitably get ruined too.</p><p>That does absolutely nothing to lighten the situation, he knows, but at least he could gather enough strength to actually get up after, just to spite himself. </p><p>A resounding sigh fell from his lips.</p><p>Blue eyes staring tiredly at the bottle sitting neatly atop of his desk.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It would be so easy to just-</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Just-</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He swallows down the lump in his throat, pulling at his wrist that had somehow moved on it's own towards the bottle as his mind spiralled.</p><p> </p><p>Pinching his hands in order to get himself together.</p><p>An inhale, and then an exhale. <em>Just breathe.</em></p><p> </p><p>Once he was certain he wasn't going snatch the bottle when he turned to leave his room, Tommy quickly gathered his thoughts and tried his best to formulate an actual steady schedule to keep himself in track, but also not crossing any lines.</p><p> </p><p>Between streaming and his activities outside of his persona, down to his pills.</p><p> </p><p>Noting that there are time gaps in between those activities. If he thinks about it, he could try using them after he streams. Maybe a bit late in the night.</p><p>Nobody would notice then, the effects will wear off before any of them could even mention it. And even if there were effects that lingered, what harm would that do? He certainly has gained some form of resilience to the pills, even if by a slight slim chance, the most it could do that probably would last longer now is making him a bit drowsy. An occasional migraine, maybe, but apart from that Tommy thinks nothing completely bad should happen.</p><p><em>Okay</em>.</p><p>So from what he could gather, he would take the pills regularly to keep himself sane with sleep, take time to adjust with himself and observe what kind of effects he could feel or remember as he grows more and more resilient towards the pills, whilst still pulling through his career with a cheery smile and loud persona, and make sure his friends never ever suspect a thing.</p><p> </p><p>Such tiring tasks, yet he refuses to make the same mistake. With carefulness like that, Tommy could basically give himself a week before he could finally amp up the dosage.</p><p> </p><p>Two or maybe even three pills a day? Hopefully.</p><p> </p><p>The blonde sighs as his mind wonders. Wouldn't it be liberating? For once getting himself together with his act, waiting for a mishap that would surely put him out of his misery.</p><p> </p><p>The thought is grim, but he thinks he's actually okay with it. He can't be having sleep if the pills effect him less and less right? They must need a new boost, to which Tommy would eagerly supply. </p><p> </p><p>Whether or not he makes the wrong move, that's completely and only his own business.</p><p>In that exact moment of realization, Tommy finally let's a small smile graze his features.</p><p> </p><p>The blonde looks down on his sheets. Spotting the soft glow of his lock screen. Slowly, he pushes himself in a sitting position. Ignoring completely how his back screamed at the tension gathering around his stiff spine and joints. Letting his fingers trace over the small keyboard to type in an obnoxiously capitalized message to the group, to his friends.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Time to wake them up and get them productive again.</em>
</p><p>The blonde muses silently as he types in his weirdly encouraging message.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Too bad he feels just a tad bit hollow.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Something big is going to happen starting from next chapter friends. </p><p>Tommy is going to get worse, most definitely.</p><p>So prepare yourself, for I will bring forth the angst juice. And I will happily splash it in your eyes :D</p><p>Tommy's streams has been killing me lately, and I need y'all to feel it too, even if you're already in pain Haha</p><p>Hopefully there will be fluff to come tho, I ain't that sadistic,</p><p> </p><p>Or am I? Hmm (:</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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